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Chapter 25
April 14, 2010 | Filed Under Lisa | Leave a Comment
Lisa and Thomas sat side by side on the park bench. Grace was fast asleep in her stroller, her head against her shoulder in one of those seemingly uncomfortable but perfectly normal baby positions. Lisa watched her child snore and remembered how she used to repeatedly try to straighten her child’s head atop her neck with rolled up swaddling blankets as an infant only to see it slide back down into a letter “L”.
Now as an experienced mother she knew never to disturb sleep. Even if breathing appeared slightly compromised. She felt proud of herself for reaching this minor parenting milestone until the image of juggling two kids as a divorcée popped into her mind.
Thomas cleared his throat, gently remind her of his presence. Lisa had been silent, lost in her thoughts, for 30 minutes now. In the past he would have been annoyed, but knowing she was carrying his child somehow bestowed him with additional patience.
“How far along are you?”
“The doctor thinks about nine weeks.”
The dad-to-be racked his mental encyclopedia. What does that mean? Does it have fingernails? Eye sockets?
Lisa read his mind.
“I heard the heartbeat.”
He sucked in a deep breath. “Wow.”
Two boys, around 6 and 8, tumbled out of a nearby minivan and sprinted to the park’s jungle gym. They were followed by their leisurely walking, smiling parents.
The mom was dressed casually in a breezy pink pastel chiffon skirt and matching sweater. Lisa looked down at her dark denim and college sweatshirt (which felt a bit snug) and suddenly felt like an unfit mother.
Perfect Mom called out to her roughhousing boys, “Play nice!” before spreading out a red and white checkered blanket for her and her well-groomed husband to lounge on.
Lisa suddenly felt nauseous again. She grabbed her purse.
“I’m going to get Gracie home.” Children are the perfect excuse for almost anything.
Thomas began to speak, “But we haven’t even talked.”
“What is there to say?”
“What are we going to do…what do you want to do…about the-, about us…”
Lisa had no answers but didn’t feel comfortable expressing her doubt in front of a man she had now put in the “enemy” category of her emotional world.
“It’s my body so I’ll let you know.”
A burst of satisfaction and power flooded her being and she smiled tightly. Finally, he’d know what it was like to be on the wrong end of the control stick.
Thomas stared. “But it’s also my child…”
Lisa was on a high now. “But it’s my body. Can you understand that?”
She knew this bumper sticker conversation wasn’t about women’s rights but it felt so good to see him squirm.
Thomas felt empty and turned toward the siblings dangling like orangutans from the monkey bars. He knew these lies weren’t worth losing another child over, whether by surgeon or by bitterness. It was time to come clean.
Lisa saw a look she’d never seen on his face before, a combination of fear and desperation, and was immediately brought back down to earth.
“You know I’d never-,” she began.
He cut her off. “I’ll tell you everything tonight. I’ll come by the apartment at 10.”
With that Thomas kissed his sleeping daughter gently on the head and briskly walked away before Lisa could say anything.
